Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Monday November 16 – New Beginnings Equals Stroke Day

I am so thankful that you still have your big three – Personality, Memories and Speech.
Personality and memories they make you who you are and speech allows you to communicate this fact to others. Mobility issues are certainly a problem to overcome, but the lack of some mobility does not change you as a person. It may change how you perceive yourself but for the rest of us, there is much more to you then your ability to get around and see well. Mobility and sight don’t define you – personality and memories are your real definition.

I ask you if you can feel deadness to your left side. This is how I had imagined that you felt in the early days. Even on stroke day – I thought the reason you wanted Uncle John to roll you to your right was because your left felt like a dead weight.

You said, you don’t notice a dead weight. You just don’t even acknowledge the left at all. It’s a ‘neighbor’ not you not a limb. You are frustrated that you can’t move but you don’t feel weighed down by your left side.

This has been changing every day in little ways. You gesture to the left now when it hurts. You look more to your left. Your brain is slowly finding the mate to the right.

Yesterday, I said to you that it was “11 weeks today” “11 weeks – that’s almost 3 months.” – It’s going to be a long road – a long marathon. It has been a long time. Home for Christmas doesn’t look likely.

Aunt Shirley and Uncle John from England visit you. They are also here to see Dad and share some time with him. They both feel you look quite well. The last sighting of you, was seeing you on the bathroom floor and in the ICU when there was ‘No Hope’.

You thank them for saving your life. You even have a vague recollection of them finding you on your stroke day. Your memory is amazing.

I think I am going to rename Aug 30th on our calendars. Instead of Aug 30th, it will be known as ‘Stroke Day’. After all it does mark the day that you choose to live again. It a birthday of sorts. A new beginning, Something with a potential that has not been realized before. New beginnings … new possibilities.

Whenever I kiss you good bye since your stroke day, I have always whispered ‘Be Strong” Today you acknowledged it and said “Yeah, that’s good advise, it helped me the other day when I had that enema. I can’t wait to hear the end to the enema talk.

Your nurse, Mary, wanted to establish a ‘Naptime’ for you between 1 – 2 pm.

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