Wednesday September 16
Tara and Quinn both had vivid dreams last night … about you. The dreams were different but had the same theme. Their dream’s events lead to a way to help you get better. You are always in our conscious and unconscious thoughts.
Children have a lot of positive energy for you. Thanks to their dreams and hopes of the future – I keep going but how much longer can I keep it up? Four days of steady regression is very hard to watch.
I drop Annie off at Juanita’s so she can play with Charlie (Juanita’s dog). I tell Juanita and Bill what’s been going on between sobs. Hope is slipping from my hands. At home there is an email from Bill and Laura (runners) asking if I saw the rainbow yesterday – they said “that it is a good sign”. I sigh.
I call the day nurse, Jane at the hospital while I wait for Marianne to drive to Halifax.
“I’m so glad you called, he is having a good day. He is MRSA negative. His eyes are open and he is following instructions. The temp is down too.” “Thank God, MRSA negative and he is responsive? Wow that is great.” I said. “That’s not all when I asked him his name, he mouthed out Chris and when I asked him the kid’s names – his lips moved to say Tara and Quinn!” Gosh …Rainbow wishes really DO work!
It is strange. When I am drowning in a sea of worry and despair, all you do is mouth three words and it’s like throwing me a life preserver and saving me – three simple words saved me and projected me over the crest of the hill – I am invigorated again.
I put a cooler out by the front door for the ‘food fairies’. The ladies (and some gentlemen) at St. Andrew’s Church (where Chris works) have been supplying us with food since the beginning of this story. Every day an entire dinner arrives along with concern, love and well wishes. Since I have been spending so much time at the hosptial – the fairies find it difficult to find me at home. So the idea of the ‘Food Fairy Cooler” was born. All the wonderful meals have very appreciated and at some point I want recipes – because has not been a meal yet that the children haven’t eaten! Thank you to Catherine and her crew of amazing people.
I drive to Halifax with Marianne and her Mom – we talk about … you of course – and your miracle to date and Marianne’s belief in signs. We talk about the amazing swell of support for you. I tell them about the food fairies and we decide that, for most of us, when we are unable to do much to fix a problem - we choice to feed the people most affected by the problem … Food is Love.
We also talk about stem cell therapy and the amazing advancements that researchers are accomplishing now. There are so many applications for stem cell therapy in the future – it will likely touch all our lives one way or another. Stem cell therapy can give you so much potential for your full recovery.
Your heart rate is slower now and BP is lower. You opened your eyes and squeezed my hand – you ARE home – I guess, yesterday - you just weren’t answering the door. You were too busy healing yourself inside.
There has been some twitching and tremors lately. If they continue Dr Walling has ordered an EEG to see if the tremors are actually seizures.
You are awake at lunch when we move you – we held hands but no writing today. I talked – I said be strong and we love you and that you will be Ok with some time and effort … Stay strong.
I finish yesterday’s daily journal and I sleep with you. I want to crawl into bed with you and hold you in my arms. Instead, I rest my head on your bed and think about all the talented doctors and nurses that have worked on you – and how much we owe them.
Despite today’s improvement, your cough is still very juicy. I suction your tracheotomy tube regularly. I smile while I do it. With any bad cold, you would have a nasty cough that would wear you out. More then once you would say, “I wish someone could suck that crap up”. (Referring to the material in your upper airway). This is an ironic twist. Your ‘suction fantasy’ is coming true. This fantasy about suction is not likely a fantasy shared by most men.
At the school, Craig, a guidance counselor, met with Tara a few days ago. Tara taught him a card game. He beat at the game but also established some lines of communication for her. Today he played cards with Quinn, Quinn beat him and they had a good talk. I made some phone calls and made arrangements for Tara and Quinn for after school tomorrow.
What a wonderful feeling knowing that the community – both school and in general are helping me support Tara and Quinn emotionally as well as physically – they are a safety net - I’m really not alone.
I had a good talk with Assieh who has the strength to support me with positive thoughts while still having her own worries. Like rich cream – people with strong personal character raise to the top … I think there is a lot of cream in Truro.
What did I learn today? I learned that:
A child’s belief in magic can be stronger then medicine.
Food is Love.
Suction fantasies can come true ... for Chris.
A village can support a child emotionally and physically.
Friends are everywhere.
Today … I learned LOTS.