Friday, October 9, 2009

Wednesday October 7 – Moments of Normal

Quinn had a fairly good night last night. Quinn had his doctor’s appointment this morning. She felt his glands, checked his ears, throat and chest and asked how he felt. To be cautious she took a culture from Quinn’s throat and said we should be careful with Quinn when visiting you. Quinn seemed pretty happy with her advice and we went off to school.

On the way to the school, Quinn asks “Mummy what does AA mean?” He saw it as part of a logo on an insurance business sign. I absently said “I don’t know.” Quinn pipes up “Maybe it’s for arse!” “Arse – where on earth would have heard that word” I ask. Innocently, Quinn replies “Daddy says it.”

Work was good – I even, for a few minutes forgot to think about you, however whenever when someone ask – How are you? – you come back to me – “One foot in front of the other.” I’d reply. I got my work schedule changed so I’m off on Friday with the children. It’s an in-service day. We will go to Halifax on Friday AM for the weekend and visit with you and DeeDee and Grandpa. They leave to go back to Ottawa on Saturday so it will be a short visit with them.

I got a few groceries – didn’t need much thanks to the food fairies. Assieh called, the gymnastics club called her and said that Quinn is sick again! I go and pick him up. He does look a little tired. “It’s got to be an early bedtime tonight “ I say to him.

Just before supper, Janice called. The PEI gang is coming to NS this weekend. Jaimee (eldest daughter who is in first year university) will be playing in a tournament this weekend in Halifax. They plan on visiting you too. There is even talk of putting together a thanksgiving dinner and Mary and Stuart’s house (our hosts from last weekend).

The phone rings after supper. It’s Josh. Josh was one of the responding firemen to our home when Uncle John had found you collapsed. Josh, his wife, Pam, and children Ben and Kaylee come over for a brief visit. They bring a lasagna and fruit!

Seeing Josh brought back a mixture of feelings. Last time I saw him, I thought, you had just fallen and hit your head. I thought we were just over reacting. As the paramedics loaded you into the ambulance, Josh came into the garage where we were and talked to the children. I can’t remember his exact words, but I could read between the lines. I suspect Josh has helped EMT’s before. I think he sensed from them that this was more serious then just a fall.

Helping the EMT’s with your care that day, un-nerved him a bit. You had coached T ball with him a few years ago. Although he is at least ten years younger then you, our children are just a little older then his. It’s hard not to identify a little with your tragedy. Witnessing your stroke would un-nerve any father of young children.

I remembered to tape the first baseball playoff game. Boston Redsox at LA Angels.

Last weekend Tara asked if you were going to get a TV hooked up. I said to her, while sitting beside you holding your hand, “Well, we can look into a TV when Daddy is able to ask for a TV.” Upon hearing this, you immediately replied “I want a TV.”

This is possibly the longest you have gone without watching a TV in your adult life. TV was your companion when we are not home. It often allows you to drift off to sleep. I think a lot of the time, it is just the white noise the TV emits that comforts you. I don’t really understand it anymore but I used to like to watch TV too. Now it is a noisy distraction to my mind … except tonight … While I write the journal, I hear the ball game. It is playing in the background. The sound comforts me. It’s like you are here. The evening almost feels normal.

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