Friday March 12 – Don’t Cave to the Craving
The couple and family psychologist called to check in with me about our session on Wednesday. I felt it was a good exercise. I want anything I can get to help you through these times. When I help you, I help myself and the children. Our next session is next Monday.
The children went to visit you with Juanita while I worked today. When I picked up the children from Juanita’s, Quinn said that the visit was good and he wants to spend the whole week in Halifax. He said, with a little pride, “Daddy didn’t cry or swear at all for the whole visit!” I was a somewhat surprised because I didn’t think that you swore much. I think Quinn’s ‘swear word’ dictionary includes a lot of words that we just think of as everyday words.
Tara was less impressed with her visit. She felt that you were a hard on her and overly firm. She feels a little hurt. I think that the family counseling is coming at an important time.
Smoking was the main topic of our phone call tonight. You start the phone call by asking me if I would do you a favor. “Sure” I answer hesitatingly. “Will you bring me some cigarettes?” Oh gosh, here we go. I feel that I have to be strong for you. It’s easy for me to resist your urge to smoke but it isn’t easy to resist pleasing you.
I realize as we talk that you have a new topic to obsess on. Smoking. The chemical hold that smoking had on you must have let go a long time ago but you are in an emotional place now that you feel you need to reach for a cigarette for comfort.
I suggest my theory to you. I point out that a few months ago, you obsessed about having daily productive visits to the toilet. You had a streak that you kept careful track of. You don’t obsess about that anymore. It was a passing phase … a part of recovery I hope.
This is a phase also. I suggest it will pass. I caution you that if you cave to the obsession of smoking now, then it will never pass because there is no such thing as one cigarette. You will be a slave to nicotine and you will hate yourself for caving to the craving.
“Be Strong” I say at the end of the phone call, “And have hope.”
Tonight, March break begins. We will be in Halifax all week and we hope that you will be able to attend your sessions in the NSRC during the day and stay with us at night, This next week will be a bit of a trial run for real life at home.
With good weather scheduled all week, I am looking forward to this strange type of vacation.