Thursday, March 4, 2010

Wednesday March 3 - Loss Fulfills Hope

At 9 am the local OT along with a gentleman from Lawton’s and his student came to the house to discuss ‘the plan’. This is a bit of a challenge since we don’t know exactly what we have to prepare for. Every week and in fact every day ‘the plan’ is a little different. Walk a little … walk a lot, not able to do stairs at all …. able to do all stairs. There are so many outcomes – it makes it hard to plan.

We decide to identify all the potential things that you might need but we will wait until the last minute to find out which we will need. This mostly pertains to the stair lift and the ramp. After that we identify things that can be rented since their use may be temporary or adjusted once you get home. Finally we identify the things that need to be done regardless of how you are when you come home. I can get started on these things right away.

We had a good visit with lots of experienced ideas floating about. The attitude was safety first with a healthy doses of ‘enabling independence’ and ‘optimism’. I felt good when they left. Now I just have to wait for the projected costs and figure out how to budget for it. On the surface, it seems that our health insurance through the church doesn’t cover much. The OT feels that there maybe some things that she can do to help.

The OT asked how you were doing. “He is doing well with the walking and the possibility of doing stairs, but it’s hard to celebrate these successes when he surrounds himself with bad thoughts. Mental health is the most important part of getting well.”

Today an odd thing happened to me at work. I was in an appointment with a couple and their dog. The Mr. gets a text message on his phone and looks at his wife and says: “Rosie just got her kidney.” By the wife’s expression, I knew that this was a very good thing. I figured that Rosie must be a friend who needed a kidney badly. Then the husband says to me that his wife got a new kidney last year. She had been waiting for a long time.

This sixty seconds of dialogue transported me back to six months ago. To the time that you were almost an organ donor. Even now, I can’t verbalize my thoughts on the subject. Your kidneys almost went to other people who were holding on to their form of hope. Having lived on the one side of the organ donor decision, it felt very odd to witness other people live in the other side.

Donating organs is a case where one person’s loss fulfills another person’s hope. I know you would have been proud to be an organ donor. But I still feel numb on the subject.

I couldn’t get through to you tonight, first no answer then the line was busy. Then it was after 10 pm and you can’t call to patients. I called your Mum instead and we had a good talk about your progress. It will be a while before your parents can come to visit.

With your Mum still recovering from multiple surgeries, she needs to mend. Hopefully this summer, they can get here for a visit. Hopefully you will be settled in your new way of life. You will find your old roles and rework them a little to be your new roles.

The summer should be a better time. By then we should be able to acknowledge all the losses. Maybe then your losses will find a way to fulfill our hope.

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