This morning you spend a little time going through your closet. You want to give Bill a shirt that means a lot to you and tells him how much you appreciate all he has done. You finally spot a t-shirt. The Boston Marathon T-shirt. “That’s it, that’s what I’ll give to Bill.”
At breakfast you are suddenly draped with fear. The spot where your chair is, is the spot that you feel from the chair one week ago. It’s almost like post-traumatic stress anxiety. Bill had had a similar experience. A few years ago, he sliced off two fingers in a high-powered table saw at his work. He had anxiety of months when he heard the sound of the big machines.
I guess the normal brain is wired to protect you from harms way. The anxiety that Bill experienced is to be expected. The anxiety that you are experiencing suggests that your brain is quite capable of learning self-preservation.
You are getting obsessed with the idea of moving to Cape Breton. This, I explain, is a long-term goal. While long term goals are important, we must focus on the short-term things right now. Standing, walking, managing your left arm to keep it safe. These are the important things for now.
I make a deal with you, when you finish at the NSRC, we will plan a vacation in Cape Breton. Although, not completely satisfied with this compromise, you admit that it will give you more incentive … as if you need it.
Most of the afternoon, I’m a football widow. I take advantage of the time to clean up the house and the children and I undress the tree so we can put it outside as a shelter for birds. Next week we will make some suet balls of the tree.
Hollis came to visit. The two of you spend a quiet time downstairs. When Hollis leaves to go, he shares with me his concern that you are ready for rehab and should be at rehab. He echos my thoughts. Now the holidays have passed, we need to move on and get you there as soon as possible.
I get the children to bed early to night and we pack it in early too. Real life will start again in a few hours … we got to be ready for that.
Hopefully, the next week will bring us news of the NSRC space availability.
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Glad that you have caught up in your thoughts and the time to get them on paper. I am so glad that nothing happened in the fall and that on the whole your time home as a family was good. Condolences on your fathers passing Gwen.
ReplyDeleteNext step Rehabb and boy will you show them how hard you can work and determined you are.
This journal has been a privledge to read and has made me appreciate my life more everyday. YOU will do fine Chris Cashen.....